The PR Breakdown with Molly McPherson

266: How to Write an Unforgettable Public Statement Honoring Someone's Life and Legacy

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In the latest episode, we explore the delicate art of crafting heartfelt tributes. Motivated by Matthew Perry's passing and the notable silence from the "Friends" cast, we delve into the significance of memorializing individuals and the impact of their legacy. The discussion includes the influence of eulogies and public statements, with insights and advice on how to respectfully honor a loved one through words. The episode offers guidance on gathering cherished memories, accentuating positive attributes, and conveying authentic sentiments, aiding listeners in the poignant and important journey of commemorating a life and solidifying a legacy.

Download Guides on Honoring Legacies: Master the art of writing touching eulogies and heartfelt public statements that pay fitting tribute to a life's impact and a colleague's memory.

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© 2024 The PR Breakdown with Molly McPherson

Speaker A [00:00:03]:

You were probably shocked when you read online or in a text notification, most likely, or heard the news about this actor from one of the most popular sitcoms of all time. Welcome to the indestructible PR podcast. I'm Molly McPherson, your crisis communication strategist and your guide through the world of breaking news and pop culture. So let's analyze the juiciest moments and extract valuable PR lessons. Now join me as we go behind the headlines for this week, inspired by the death of Friends star Matthew Perry, and my week, let's talk about honoring a life and how to write a thoughtful eulogy or public statement. For many people, I assume most people, losing someone you care about can be one of the most difficult experiences in life. Whether it's someone you know personally, you're related to them, or someone you've been following for years, you have a parasocial relationship with them. You could be a fan or someone that you follow online.

Speaker A [00:01:14]:

So when the news that Matthew Perry had died hit everyone this weekend, if you're like me, you were shocked by that. I was shocked by that. And I was also a little surprised by one part of Matthew's life that didn't quite step up to the occasion to mark his death. Now, the topic of this podcast is going to be about memorializing someone, whether it's a eulogy or a public statement. So I'm thinking about people who need to memorialize a person in their lives. Now, this could be for a funeral service. This could be for someone who dies at your organization, and you have to write a note about them. And it can pop up anywhere.

Speaker A [00:02:08]:

I mean, recently I've mentioned this before. I'm a Forbes contributor, and we work from a backend portal. That's how we submit our stories. And when a writer, one of the contributing writers, had passed away and before you could even get into the portal, you read a memorial about that writer. And I thought, that's amazing. It's an internal platform. And it was there just to reach the contributors. But there was a photo and there were remarkable words about this writer, a name I've never even seen before.

Speaker A [00:02:41]:

But did I stop and read that? Yes. Then did I go to this writer's work? Yes. It made an impact. Now, why this topic this week? Well, I'm sure like many of you, I was monitoring the news regarding the passing of Matthew Perry. Matthew Perry, the star of Friends, arguably one of the most popular sitcoms. Ninety s. And now due to streaming, it's incredible. Just the legacy of the sitcom itself and how many fans it has.

Speaker A [00:03:23]:

And when I got that news, what I had said to the people around me, it's not only just fans in my generation, but now these younger generations as well. They all love friends. And this also happened to me at a time when I had to give a eulogy myself. So the podcast this week could be about nothing else but about this. Now, two weeks ago, I was summoned by my father to come home. I wasn't expecting that phone call. No one is, really, I would assume, because you don't get it often in life, if you even get it at all. Now, my dad had been not in failing health, but he was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis.

Speaker A [00:04:13]:

His mother had the same disease, but he had medication that was helping his symptoms, extending his life. He was definitely compromised. He was always I don't know if I'd call him a robust guy, but he was he was a car guy. He was an active guy. He was always working around the house and stuff. He wasn't a guy that really sat around, I'll just say that. But it's not like he was out running and jogging all the time either. But he was a healthy guy.

Speaker A [00:04:47]:

So to see him get weaker in life was unusual, but no one was expecting him to go when he did. So two weeks ago on a Monday, when I got that call, I picked up right away. I was at my desk and he said, Your mom said you're coming home in November. And I said, yes, I'm going to visit the kids, drive home, spend some time there with them. And he said, I need you to come home this Friday, or I need you to come home this week. When can you come home? And I said, oh, well, I'm speaking on Thursday. I'll be there on Friday. He said, Friday? I said, I'll be there on Friday.

Speaker A [00:05:25]:

And deep down, I knew what he was saying. That was in. I chose to not think that Friday was going to be the last day that I saw him, but that's what ended up happening. I grabbed my son, who from college. We met me at the airport. He was my only child on break. So we went home and I saw him, and I was able to talk to him and just tell him what he meant to me. And he had a very significant role in my life in helping me tremendously just in the past few years, particularly as I was dealing with something on a personal level, something I never should have been dealing with, and something that was happening to me that I had no control over and just really gave me the best advice about perseverance.

Speaker A [00:06:17]:

And he wasn't bailing me out, but he was bailing me out by just guidance and counsel and just believing in me. So my dad was a really important person in my life. And then last week or no, earlier this week, actually two days ago, was the service, and I had to deliver the eulogy. So it was quite the weekend for me because my mom had asked me to deliver the eulogy. I thought it was going to go to my older brother, to be honest. So I wasn't prepared to do it. And not to mention it came at a particularly just busy time. I mean, I'm always busy people who know that.

Speaker A [00:06:55]:

But when you have to create content and your brain is constantly thinking to make that shift, to write a eulogy, it's difficult. It is difficult. So when I was traveling this week and I was thinking about it, but I never put pen to paper, I never put fingertip to typeboard to keyboard to start writing. I had an idea, but I had a through line. Like I knew my theme, but I didn't know precisely because there are ways to write a statement, and that's what I want to talk about now. It's inspired. I was going to do this podcast anyway. So the fact that Matthew Perry died in the middle of it and is giving a lesson in communication and public statements about eulogy, I mean, it was serendipitous.

Speaker A [00:07:42]:

I mean, I had to do this episode. Now, I have been living in a cloud, a dark cloud for two weeks. It's just been tough. I mean, my head has just been really foggy and grief. But in the middle of that, I had an event of a lifetime that I had to go to. There was just no way I was missing this event. And it was perfect for someone like me just to give me a break from the emotion of the week. So I was fortunate enough to attend the New York emmy awards in New York city.

Speaker A [00:08:21]:

I think it was the 66th annual new york emmy awards. It was for journalists. When you hear the emmy awards, you think about television. You think about the national television awards when we think about programs that we watch, but they also have them for news organizations. And I was so fortunate to be a plus one to someone who was nominated for five emmys. And I've never been to an emmy award celebration, an event. They happen all around the country. I mean, each segment of the country has their own awards, and this was New York.

Speaker A [00:08:58]:

So I consider myself very lucky to be able to attend and lucky to attend it with the person who I attended with, because he happened to be a very lucky guy that night, and he won two emmy awards for his work and coverage, his political coverage. Very proud of that, though I think part of it has to do with me and just my good luck. It's nothing to do with his reporting whatsoever or chief photographer. It's just all me and my luck. But anyway, but when we were there during dinner at a big table, met all the people there, and they were representing a couple media outlets there, we were all chatting. So naturally, when you're going to sit with a table full of news people and journalists, there's just a million topics. But wouldn't, you know, probably the only PR in the building or the only PR sitting down for dinner gets the news on my phone from multiple friends, not a notification from a news outlet, because a WiFi could have been an issue for me there, but definitely from my friends with the news about Matthew Perry. And my first friend, you hear, I can't believe about Perry.

Speaker A [00:10:11]:

I thought what? Well, what? Even though, you know, you could actually deduce what was going to be, and I was the one, the PR to announce to the table that Matthew Perry had died by drowning in a hot tub. So, of course, everyone's thinking, well, why? What happened? But it's not too far of a stretch to assume now. We cannot assume right now because as of the time of the recording, the autopsy has been completed. I don't believe, actually, with my research, we do not know the cause of death at this point, but I will say at my dad's service, a friend of mine, so my brother's friend growing up in our neighborhood grew up to be he's a doctor. He's a surgeon, a lung surgeon. And he said, you know, people who play pickleball for 2 hours do not go home and suffer cardiac arrest. So he was saying that there was probably some effect, either direct or indirectly, to Matthew Perry's, well documented and reported and admitted by him his drug abuse. I mean, this is a man who struggled, and his body was a broken body.

Speaker A [00:11:31]:

So anything could certainly have happened to him. I mean, we don't know. But according to my friend who's a surgeon, he thinks it's probably something that is drug related. But whatever it is, Matthew Perry died, and it's a significant death because it just crosses so many know. The know changed because for me, it was oh, my gosh, it was such a fun night. I mean, it was absolutely amazing. And the fact that it ended with me standing in Times Square, you can tell my voice is still kind of creaky from this whole week and the weekend in Times Square. Halloween weekend.

Speaker A [00:12:18]:

A Saturday of Halloween weekend. It was 80 degrees that day in New York, so it was still so warm. I was in a strapless gown, my Jimmy Choo's walking in Times Square, looking for my Uber, saying, we're carrying Emmys. Just look for a Toyota. I'm telling the date, look for a Toyota in the sea of people, times Square. So you can imagine my night. Oh, my God. But I went from a high high to a low low because the next day, I had to make my way back home, and I was going back home, and it was going to be tough.

Speaker A [00:13:02]:

And it was tough. So on the flight there, I was going to write the eulogy, but of course, I didn't update my Mac, and my computer didn't work. So annoying. All right, I'm going to put the two together. Let's conflate it, and let's talk about public statements and eulogy. So first, let's talk about it in the public sense and where you're going to use the passing of Matthew Perry. Now, if you were watching any of the coverage about, you know, the first part of the coverage, and you heard in the beginning of this episode, they were announcing his death, they announcing the cause of death. But so much of the coverage, particularly with entertainment content, is about honoring his life.

Speaker A [00:13:53]:

So many people came out to mourn it. We heard from Hank Azaria, who's an actor, he's a voice actor on the Simpsons. We all learned that Matthew Perry is the one who brought Hank Azaria into AA. They interviewed other co stars, they've interviewed other people who worked with him. They've interviewed fans, people going into the friends exhibit, which, by the way, my daughter Kate and I went to the friends exhibit when we were touring colleges in Chicago. Oh, my gosh. I mean, I watched it, and Kate watched it, too. I can't say we were like, huge fans, but, man, what a rip off.

Speaker A [00:14:33]:

But if you're a fan, fine. I think you might like they, but they force you to take pictures everywhere because they want to sell photos, which you get because it needs to be money making it's in these big cities. It's hard to make money with a bunch know, fake props. And they're fake. They're not even real. But this is where Kate, she and I, all my kids share a love for the absurd. And we know immediately, like, what a racket. But people with us loved it.

Speaker A [00:15:03]:

And so I saw a lot of coverage of interviews with people outside friends, even outside the facade of the apartment that they used for friends. And so many people could eloquently speak about what Matthew Perry meant to them. So I was a little surprised when the people we associate most with Matthew Perry did not have much to say. Take a listen to an excerpt about a statement from his co stars that was released in people magazine, a publicist magazine if there ever was one. But in your head, were you thinking, like me? I don't know. Are you like me? My first thought was, you people probably knew Matthew Perry more than anyone in his life because we've all read just and I've been so deep into my own family tragedy that I really didn't follow the coverage. And even I know more about Matthew Perry, and I could speak about Matthew Perry I'm going to speak more about Matthew Perry in this podcast than the cast of friends who spent years with the guy with all of his ups and downs could not cobble a statement together. I know this will come with the caveat, and I say this firsthand.

Speaker A [00:16:38]:

Everyone and anyone who experiences grief should be given grace for any behavior. Even though my brother really annoyed my sister and me, he's not listening to this podcast. And if he is. He knows what I'm talking about. But we gave him grace. We give people grace because it amplifies people's qualities good and not so good. But if there's one thing people can do and they can do it easily, you don't have to just go to a service. I was at a service.

Speaker A [00:17:19]:

People can wax eloquently easily about a person, but the cast of Friends could not do that. So now, in times of loss, those closest often have the duty of providing comfort and remembrance. When a world mourns together, or even a room of people at a funeral service, how people grieve again is going to be different. So they should be given grace for how they do it. But let's discuss how you can do it. If you have to do it in a service, that's public communication. You are standing at a podium and you are speaking to a crowd of people to honor the life and legacy of a person. Or if you work for a place where you lose an employee or you lose a key figure, how do you write about that person? And maybe you want to be someone who just writes eloquently about someone who means something to you in your life.

Speaker A [00:18:28]:

So let's just talk about creating that heartfelt reflection and focusing on the meaning of a person and solace and how we talk about it. So understanding that we all grieve differently, the goal is to memorialize a life in a way that's fitting of their lasting impact. It's showing up for this person and also their family and close friends who will be there for them and who were not there for you. Okay, the Friends theme is rattling around my head. Oh, I should have written a clever line about the Friends theme, shouldn't I? In the opening? I don't have time. I have to catch a plane today. I can't redo this. I'll be there for you, I guess, unless you pass away, and then we won't.

Speaker A [00:19:25]:

All right, so let's talk about writing a statement. So when memorializing someone okay, do that over when memorializing someone, you want to honor their life and legacy. So if you are doing a public statement, whether it's a eulogy or you're writing about someone, start with the memories. Jot down the memories. Pen notes, app, whatever you need to do. Special moments you shared, their accomplishments, their personality, what made them unique. Talk to other loved ones, close friends, to collect the memories and the stories too. This is going to help you gain a fuller picture of their life.

Speaker A [00:20:13]:

Focus on the positive traits and impact on others. Although you can add the quirky, you can add the not so positive. Like you don't want to dogpile on anyone. But you can talk about what made them unique. But this is a time to just paint the picture about who they were. What were they passionate about? How did they make a difference in other people's life, sharing meaningful stories and memories. They're just going to comfort those who are grieving this loss. So keep it personal, but also with a tone of celebration.

Speaker A [00:20:56]:

No matter what your beliefs are regarding death, whether you're a family who is going through a wake or you sit shiva, is there some type of celebration that comes from this morning? I think most look at that when a life has passed that there is some greater good to it. You can celebrate that they're not in pain. You can celebrate the passing of it. So while a eulogy pays respect to the deceased, it's really, really important to celebrate how they touched our lives. So share from the heart, but share in your own words. Now understand when you speak in a eulogy or if you're doing an interview and making public remarks, you may feel overwhelmed with emotional. So it's okay to ask someone else close to you to deliver a eulogy on their behalf. If it's your spouse or a loved one, a child, and you really feel like you're the only one who can give that eulogy, I think it would be very difficult to do that.

Speaker A [00:22:07]:

It would be very difficult, and I don't think anyone would expect you to do that. Share everything you want to share. You could share your words and someone could read them, you could print them or just have someone else do the eulogy and they could take from your words. But certainly writing them down is a lot easier. So if it's a public statement, share your personal words. And if it's about an employee, someone close to you, a constituent, whatever it is, writing it makes it a lot easier. Now, using meaningful quotes or any type of passage can capture the essence of a person. So let's go through the steps now of how to write a statement.

Speaker A [00:22:55]:

And I will say, I'm going to add this to my patreon for my PR insiders and my PR professionals. I'm going to put this in there. So if you ever just want a cheat sheet on how to do it, just head in there and you can find it. Now, when it comes time to make a statement memorializing someone, it's important to craft words that provide comfort, capture the essence of the person, while also creating a lasting tribute. So here are five key steps for writing an impactful statement and feel free to share this to the publicist. Jennifer Aniston, courtney Cox, david Schwimmer. And I was going to say Joey LeBlanc. Matthew LeBlanc.

Speaker A [00:23:40]:

Just saying. Okay, one again, as I mentioned. So collect memories and stories. So speak with close friends, family, colleagues, gather anecdotes that exemplify the person. Ask for their favorite stories, their moments and memories. Pay attention. When I went home, I was listening to stories the night before the service. My family, they were sharing stories about my dad.

Speaker A [00:24:07]:

So I used one or two of them in my talk. So jot them down as soon as you know that you're going to be writing them. And also it helps because you can look back personally on the times that you shared and compile a list of their accomplishments, their contributions, and what they care deeply about. It creates a fuller picture of their life, but it also creates the legacy. When people die, they want to be remembered. They want to be unforgettable. They don't want to be a footnote. So part of that eulogy needs to be about that legacy.

Speaker A [00:24:46]:

Now, second two, focus on the positive impact. What were they passionate about? How did they make a difference in the world? Let's highlight the accomplishments and the values. Now, I know for some people, they feel funny about that, like, even when it comes to their eulogy. Like, my dad said to my mom to tell us, just put Doug died. That's it. Just Doug died, and we didn't do that. So I also wrote the obituary. And here's another thing.

Speaker A [00:25:13]:

My sister's not listening to this podcast. My sister true story. I have to write the obituary as I'm on deadline. I had to speak to two reporters. I mean, one was with The New York Times, and another one was oh, my God. It was another magazine that was on that was on heavy, heavy deadline, and I had to get the obituary in. And when you have too many cooks in a kitchen, it makes it very, very difficult on obituaries. But my sister, at the 11th hour, like TikTok, she puts it in a Google Doc and then puts all these comments on there and tasks me with all these comments.

Speaker A [00:25:55]:

Is this accurate? The subject verb placement. There's too many semicolons here. So she's noting the grammar and all of them. Now, my sister, she has many, many qualities and many, many talents and skills, but grammar and writing would not be at the top. She's not a writer. That's not what she does. So I thought how curious that this would be her choice, not only the timing of it. I thought, okay, what grammar lead did she run this through? That now I've got to go through.

Speaker A [00:26:24]:

So I wrote back as an older sister would, and I kept my snark to myself, which was, your grammarly doesn't have the obituary pay by the word filter for writing. I need semicolons because everyone in the family wants to put the guy's 80 years old. So to put 80 years into an obituary that you don't want to cost more than $1,000, which his was, you have to write. You have to be very nimble and very you have to use brevity in the writing. So I thought, I did a great job, and I said, Megan, carry on, carry on. I got this. I got this. Anyway, I'll drift back.

Speaker A [00:27:06]:

I drifted from this. So I'll come back. But we want to talk about the qualities, why they were admired. Why people like them collectively, why people like them so uplifting words and stories. It also comforts the grieving. And for a public figure, a celebrity, if you're a publicist listening to me, note their lasting legacy and influence in the world. And if you have clients who are tied to this person, encourage them to say something. I am sorry.

Speaker A [00:27:37]:

I know the Friends cast. They're popular. Jennifer Aniston, she's got the morning show coming out. Maybe she's saving her words for Matthew Perry for more publicity about the upcoming season. Maybe, I'm not sure. But something about the Friends cast, they're kind of all for one. Like they all did the negotiation for the million dollars each for their salary. They did that together.

Speaker A [00:28:06]:

Perhaps they all jointly together, came together and said, let's just wait. I still think it's wrong. I really do. I really do. So if you're a publicist, don't allow that to happen. They did not do Matthew Perry a service, because when they do come out to say something, everybody's going to be moved on, and it won't be a case of, oh, let's remember Matthew Perry again. No, this was the time. They would have been with all the other coverage, and they wouldn't been lost in it.

Speaker A [00:28:36]:

It would have highlighted it. So moving on. Three share heartfelt, emotions and memories. So choose your stories that illustrate their personality and character. This is where you bring their quirks in there. So add sincere emotions like love and gratitude and grief. This shows depth of feeling for the person. And share personal stories and memories that capture the spirit and of the person and the depth of feeling of the person.

Speaker A [00:29:02]:

I talked about how my dad treated wait staff. Now, he wasn't like an awful customer, but he liked what he liked. And he would always give this look when a server would not fulfill his request of ordering a half a beer or ordering off the children's menu. It's just like a weird quirky thing with my dad anyway. But we told those types of stories, and you want to use your own word. Authenticity is key. So don't just recite accomplishments. Talk about really what they mean.

Speaker A [00:29:39]:

And now this. I mean this too. Like, if someone works for you, you know the primary audience is going to be the fellow colleagues, employees. But the family colleagues spend so much time at work, sometimes more time with colleagues than they do with family. Family love. Family loves. Anyone in a family loves to see why their loved one meant something to them. I know this firsthand four and offer comfort to the bereaved.

Speaker A [00:30:08]:

Don't be afraid to share sincere feelings of grief and love and gratitude for having known them. This shows a deep loss for their passing. Now, I had to speak as a daughter, but many friends are the ones who give eulogies. Do not be afraid to say, I love this person. And also an aside. You don't want to be someone that says, I never got to say I love you to that person. Or at least I got my chance to say I love you, like, oh, my God, you got your chance on the deathbed. Try and say it in life if you can.

Speaker A [00:30:43]:

Tell people. Tell people how you feel about them. It helps. It really does. And people will say I love you back when you say, I love you. So acknowledge sorrow. Offer reassurance that their influence will live on, that the spirit of them will live on. Acknowledge your pain.

Speaker A [00:31:05]:

Say how much it hurts. And if it's a public figure, recognize the collective loss of their passing. I mean, this applies to an employee collectively. Why do we miss this person? I mean, fans everywhere could do it for Matthew Perry. I mean, hashtag Matthew Perry. Just start reading what everybody else could write about the guy, all right? Now, if you're someone who's standing at the podium, it's not easy. It is not easy. You need courage to do that, and you can do it in an extraordinary way that can comfort people, inspire other people, and that can cement a lasting impact, and their memory will live on through your words.

Speaker A [00:31:52]:

Now, this last piece is specifically speaking to a eulogy, and I'm just going to give it from personal experience. It was interesting. When I arrived at the funeral home, I was in a bit of a place because I still had to print the eulogy, and I wasn't fully prepared with the eulogy. Like I said, I planned it in my head all week, but I didn't have time to just write it out. And I'm a public speaker. I'm a public speaker. I know how to speak publicly. But a eulogy and if you're a fellow public speaker, a eulogy is not public speaking.

Speaker A [00:32:32]:

I mean, by definition, it is. It is not the same. Now, I could get up if my dad were alive, I could get up and riff on my dad, no problem. I could probably give the same eulogy from heart and almost got close to word for word for it if he were alive and tell those stories. But when he was gone and I was speaking about him in the past, oh, that's different. That's different when you walk up and you look at an urn and a photo and the photo of my dad and a photo of my dog Finbar, and if you listen to my podcast from last year, you know how I felt. So it was tough. And even when I knew I had to speak, the priest, Father Bill, I've known him since I was 13.

Speaker A [00:33:25]:

He came to my parish when I was 13 years old. So I've known this man for years. He married me, and then we had an update on that. I said, Nice work, Father Bill, but I just love him, and he's your typical. Irish Catholic priest, so he's very funny. So even when we met before the service, just to talk about the eulogy, he said, come here. And we walked into this room. He just found a room.

Speaker A [00:33:52]:

And I said, oh, it's the urn room. It's where they show people all the urns for sale. But we were just catching up and talking and we were talking about the Catholic church and faith and this, that, and the other thing, and he was catching up on my life, and it was just great. But we were talking about the eulogy, and he said that he moved it to the front because he knows people sit there and they want to get it out of the way, so that's the best time to do it. Now, I will say this. I wish I kept it at the end of the service, because in the beginning, I was too emotional. I was far too emotional. Oh, my gosh.

Speaker A [00:34:34]:

Because you're there. It's an urn. It's just the opening song. It's the funeral song. And oh, my God. Those Catholic Church fuel song. Be not afraid. Who doesn't cry to Be not afraid? That song comes on, and you think of every funeral you've ever been to.

Speaker A [00:34:53]:

It's an automatic. And then I had to go up and speak. I was like so I was telling someone, I just sat there, and I just had to think of good thoughts. I thought, okay, think of Saturday, think of Saturday, think of Saturday. Molly, bring a smile to your face. And I got up to the lectern, and I had all my papers in front of me. Oh, and by the way, I had lost my eulogy first because I got there and the staff at the funeral home, if you're ever dealing with a death in the Twin Cities mueller family funeral home, I'm putting the link in the show notes. They were phenomenal, absolutely phenomenal.

Speaker A [00:35:36]:

In White Bear Lake, Minnesota. The owner, Scott Mueller, came into the room. He was just such a pleasure and a joy to talk to. He just broke my mood in the right way and said, okay, Taylor's going to get your eulogy. She'll print it for you here's. Just everything was at ease. And then when he figured out what I did for a living, taylor on his staff had told him who I was. I was not aware that she knew who I was.

Speaker A [00:36:09]:

When I walked in the door, I thought they knew me as a daughter of the deceased, but it turned out she knew me from TikTok, which is absolutely hysterical. So he definitely broke the mood when he came in, and he says, I can't say word for word what he said, but he made me laugh. And he said something to the effect of, so it turns out you're a bit of a deal. I didn't realize that. And then we talked about the funeral industry, and he was saying, I should have you speak to the funeral industry, and this is a post for the future or a podcast and just talked about how certain industries are just, like, stuck in the past, and they have this association of people don't use them anymore. So the death and dying is an industry. It's a very lucrative industry. People need to start thinking differently.

Speaker A [00:36:59]:

And like, you're a funeral home and people are being buried at sea and being buried in trees, which I just found out about that like, wow. And all these other options. People aren't going to funeral homes anymore. And even for me, my goodness, the fact that my dad's service wasn't in a Catholic church, oh, my goodness. And the reason why is it's just easier to do it all in one. Plus, we had a bar. It was fantastic. So that's a side note.

Speaker A [00:37:24]:

But we were talking about that, so thankfully he did that. But going back to the topic, your brain can drift with grief. You need to be prepared. And I really wasn't prepared as much as I would like to be because I never even gave the eulogy out loud. I didn't have any time. I was typing it that morning, and I was rushing and I was trying to time it because you cannot go too long. So here are the hardcore tips. Keep it brief.

Speaker A [00:37:52]:

I guess at most it should be seven minutes. For a lot of places, it's only two to five minutes. I would say write it for two to five minutes because it will be longer than that because you're going to cry. There could be laughter breaks for laughter. And people do not like going over. I know it's a eulogy, and people want to think you think. People want to hear every single memory that you have. They don't.

Speaker A [00:38:17]:

Trust me, they don't. Other family members may want to get up and talk, and I really wanted to get up and talk and share this story. I get the feel and the need for that. That came up in my family, too. But when the service is over, the service is over. People are already starting to heal. They're talking, they're drinking, they're eating. If you're in Mueller Funeral Home in White Bear Lake, Minnesota, they are, and people are enjoying it and having great conversations, you don't want to stop that to bring it back to another eulogy.

Speaker A [00:38:50]:

No one wants to go back there. So you can share stories when you're talking with people, but you do want to keep those remarks brief and also practice it. I didn't, but I'm also a professional, so I could still do it, but it wasn't my best performance, that is for sure. I had it printed. I can speak without notes. I don't speak with notes. I don't need them. I don't need notes on my slide deck.

Speaker A [00:39:21]:

I don't need them at the eulogy. I needed it. I needed it. I read from notes. And Father Bill even said, you know, this isn't Molly's first rodeo speaking. And I'm like, God, if anyone who hasn't seen me speak before, they're going to say, have you ever spoken publicly in your life? Because I struggled. I struggled because I was crying, my throat closed, I was dehydrated. There was a pen on the podium that kept getting in the way and I couldn't put it anywhere.

Speaker A [00:39:50]:

And my outfit didn't have pants and that I was so fixated on that pen. But I was reading from the page and I struggled to get through some of it, but my kids gave me high marks, so that was good. We did the hot wash and they said I did fine. Okay, so also think maybe 500 to 1000 words shorter is fine too. What I did is I was marking the words and I was putting it in a website that would tell me how long the speech was. And I kept going back and back and back. So I kept cutting, cutting, cutting until I got to seven minutes. Do that.

Speaker A [00:40:24]:

Make sure you do that. Okay? Also, speak genuinely from the heart. Do not feel pressured to deliver a lengthy speech. If anything, put the pressure on you to do a small one. And again, if you're overcome by grief, there is no shame in that. Have someone else do that. All right? So again, if you want to see that sheet, if you need that, if you're doing this right now or you want to prep it in the future because you know you're going to do it, someone in your life is sick. Oh, gosh, that's a tip that just came to my brain right now.

Speaker A [00:40:59]:

When someone is sick, start writing your eulogy now. Even if you don't get picked to be the eulogist now, you have your own words right there, your own memories, but do it now. So if you want this guide, you can head over to my Patreon PR Confidential. You can find it in the PR insider and PR professional tiers. That's a place online space for your questions and answers. I talk about the podcast and also I'm also putting other information out there as well, and we keep a lot of it off the record, particularly in my live chats there. So check it out. I have a free tier as well.

Speaker A [00:41:38]:

All right, now, in every episode, I leave you with an indestructible PR tip. It's this one practical takeaway to help everyone build an indestructible reputation. And here it is. When someone passes, don't pass up the opportunity to share your remembrances. I learned it this week. People are okay with dying. My dad was. But many times, oftentimes I would assume maybe all times, they don't want to be forgotten.

Speaker A [00:42:07]:

So as a eulogist, so whether it's at a service, it's a public statement on your company's website, social media, or it's a public statement for someone who's well, known offer stories offer a statement that creates a lasting memory. That's all for this week on the podcast. Bye for now.

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Molly McPherson

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